Because they are not mine

2017 left a week ago.
It came too fast
And left too soon
I had a hard time catching up with him.
But I did my best. I gave my best.
I dont have any regrets
But it left me exhausted.

It was a very challenging year for me.
It was difficult. A little harsh.
It pushed me to try harder
To protect what I have and those who I love
To get what I want, I worked harder
I planned better
I loved deeply
I cared a lot
I stayed while others walked away
And when things failed, I did not give up.
When people told me it’s impossible and there’s no hope...i still tried.

Until...I had no strength left
I found myself on the floor
Weak and exhausted.
Most of my plans did not work
My efforts were useless
My best was not enough
I tried but i failed.
God’s plan prevailed.

No matter how much I love
How much I care
All I have are not mine
God owns everything and everyone
From now on I need to constantly remind myself that He is generous enough to lend me things and people I need in my life.
I love them too much, I always forget I don’t own them.
So when God takes them back one by one, I feel betrayed.

Painful...but what can I do?
I only borrowed my life too.
And though I try so hard, I have no control of what’s going to happen.
I can only hope and pray
For God to allow me to be with them longer.

From now on, I will cherish each day I’m with them.
I will appreciate and love them more.
Am I giving up my dreams? Maybe for now.
I am too tired to plan again.
It will be up to God anyway. He always win.
My efforts are nothing.

I don’t know what 2018 has for me.
Am I hopeless? No I am not.
I am wishing for something good.
But God's plans are greater than mine.
2017 almost took my life away.
But I wasn't ready then to let go.
If God will ask me now if i’m ready to go?
Yes, I am ready.
I already gave my best in everything.
I have nothing left.
Only patience to wait...