No matter how long you pray No matter how hard you cry and no matter how long you've been on your knees...begging and asking God to be merciful and gracious and grant you the desire of your heart...
If it's not God's will and it's not according to His plans
all your efforts..will be wasted
Things happen only if He allows it Wishes come true only if He approves it Impossible becomes possible only if He makes it
Man's effort is useless Crying would only exhaust one's energy
At the end of the day it will still be all up to God
and you don't have any choice but to submit and trust Him that He has great plans for you.
I on the other hand is giving up my own dream but doesn't mean I will not hope and wish it will come true. For someday, the same thing am hoping today might be the same thing God wants me to have..only He chose not to give it to me today for He knows the best time and the best day He will turn my sadness into happiness.
June TEN: THE DAY SHE MET THE GUY She saw him first. Thought he looked like Kim Bum and was instantly attracted. He approached her and introduced himself He gave her the sweetest smile and it caught her heart He spoke to her and his voice lingered in her ears - like soft music She kept on replaying the "first meeting" in her mind over and over again
She knew right there and then she's developing a "crush" with that guy. After 10 long years of not having any crush... She felt like a teenager again...happy, giggly and blushing
June TWENTY TWO: THE DAY SHE WENT TO SEE THE GUY
She saw him first again She was staring at his back and when he turned She knew it was no ordinary crush Another glimpse told her it is love.
She was with her male best friend then The guy asked if her companion is a boyfriend She accidentally told him "yes" Being in love makes her crazy and incomprehensible
The guy asked her companion when they had time alone if he is her boyfriend He said "just friends" He again asked after several minutes (maybe to confirm)pointing at me "married?" the best friend said "no"
The night passed by with the guy and the girl just smiling at each other The place and the moment was not suitable for conversation Yet, the girl thought those 4 hours with him was the happiest... The moment gave her feelings she never had before Every smile would make her heart beat fast Every look would make her blush And every time his hand touches (accidentally or intentionally) hers, she would find breathing a difficult thing to do... Pictures were taken that night so many and yet she thinks they are not enough
July THREE: THE DAY SHE CAME TO SEE HIM AGAIN
The minutes felt like hours...she was so excited to see him She sat in a sofa and then she saw him walking towards her..suddenly the world stopped His face lighted up when he saw her. He sat beside her and he touched her hair briefly yet the feeling of his fingers stayed with her It was early in the morning and he asked her if she had breakfast A simple question that sounded so sweet it melted her insides She found herself staring at him longer than before Memorizing his face..each lines... She caught him looking at her too...more often than before and again asked her if the companion is a boyfriend This time she said "no" just a friend. He smiled and moved closer to her.
As the girl was about to leave She gave him something...perhaps something to keep like a remembrance And while her hand was extended He reached out and held her hand The girl was surprised He held her hand for several seconds...longer than ought to be She did not look at him But felt his eyes on her and on her back as she walked away
She did not look back.. But she knew in her heart...that guy...is the one. The one she's been waiting for all her life Her ideal man Her dream guy
July nineteen: She passed by his place. It was raining. She saw him sitting by the window. Too shy to say hi she hid behind her umbrella. But she had a glimpse of him looking at where she was...and she had a strong feeling..he saw her.
July twenty four: Something tells her she should go and meet the guy But she hesitated and told herself...she's not ready.
July TWENTY SEVEN: The DAY SHE WENT TO SEE HIM AGAIN..THIS TIME WITH A MORE OPEN HEART She wore the best clothes and made herself pretty She put a lot of effort and carefully planned the day only to find out He's gone He left last Sunday night She felt like crying...and running to where he is The guy left her some words...which might be useful in the future to comfort her...HE REMEMBERS HER and he wished she came to see him before he left.
Tonight, the girl is trying her best not to cry For she lost the guy of her dreams. He is too far now to reach
Treasuring the photos and memories She is wishing to see him again Only if God will allow
and if they see each other again then she knows...it is destiny and that her tears...that are about to drop right this minute...are all worth it
What happened to me? What is happening to me? Am I happy? I wish I am. I thought I am. I am tired, I am scared and I am dizzy.
I thought I know where my life is going. I thought I know what I wanted to do. I thought I am already doing and living my dream...
only to realize...my life...where I am now...is not where I want to be. The person I am now...is not the person I am dreaming to be
all of these happened because I did not follow my heart...I follow somebody's dream, hope and wishes. I listened to their opinions. I let them guide me to the road I am unfamiliar. I did all these to please them. Because I love them. I thought it's alright...I thought I'll be fine. I thought I'll be happy.
I feel so lost
Until I saw the road where I'm supposed to be...where I want to be.
The job I want to do. The position I want to have The task I want to finish The company where I want to give my best...all my best and the man who I want to call "my boss"
I saw a glimpse of myself...standing on that familiar-friendly road. The right way to my happiness the journey of my dream
But then... It's too late. It might be too late Too impossible to go back to correct the mistakes
For years, I have been asking God for the wrong dream... Begging him for something my heart won't follow Crying for something I really don't want
For years, I thought the right thing to do is to do what other people think is right
My birthday is coming And that's the reason why suddenly I thought of looking back..at where my life has been.
Surely, Lord this is not where I want to be Forgive me for praying for something I really do not want to happen.
Please lead me to the right path Listen to my heart's desire Help me start again Make a way for me Too impossible for my hands to reach But then nothing's impossible when it comes to you Lord
Because I don't want to grow old with nothing but regrets and sleep in a pillow drenched in tears
I am begging you Lord...listen to my heart and not to my mind this time My brain may think she's smart and she knows what is right but only my heart knows who and what can make me happy.
Hear my cries, Lord. Hear me begging
Lord, hold my hand and light my feet for I am about to travel a new road
And I promise you It is you and nothing but you who I will praise FOREVER
My brain is constantly sending me warnings all throughout the day that it is about to explode...anytime due to overcapacity. Need to unload some of my thoughts and I don't have any private place to vent but here besides the ever willing listening ears of God.
At last, my lazy and stubborn fingers cooperated this time.
Downloading begins... ...it hurts a lot to know it is my own relative who is trying to pull me down, stabbing me in the back and spreading false stories about me. ...it is so sad to think that they celebrate when I am down and they are insecure when I am up. ... life is good. Destiny is tricky. Who can tell me what my future will be like? I am eager to know. ... Waiting is not my forte. Still, I have a lot of waiting to do. Practice makes perfect (In other words, I have to perfect this waiting thing) ... I can't say life is unfair. Though it seems to be. After all God is a fair judge. ... I wrote down my plans for this year...but looks like none of those will be fulfilled. Tomorrow is always a question. Planning is useless. Things happen according to God's will...yes, even the bad things. ... It is useless to pout and complain. It takes too much time. I have so much things to do. ... For every bad relative...there is a good friend. God supplies all our needs. ... Truth has its own way of proving itself. It is useless to fight against a lie. Arguing will only make "lie" seems real. ... I am a good secret keeper. My mom and my best friend are both having a hard time knowing if I am sad or not. Most of the time they thought my smile is sincere. It is comforting at the same time irritating when none of them could see what I really feel. ... I often meet rude Professionals...To think they graduated from Top Universities. I rather talk to uneducated/illiterate people... At least they follow their hearts and humble enough to give respect where it is due. ...I disgust certain professionals - constantly feeding their ego and walking with pride on their shoulder
...I love Sophie Kinsella's books. Her novel "Can you keep a secret" is one of the best! So light, funny, sexy and entertaining. I am addicted to her works. I always make sure to have one inside my bag. My armor against "boring-waiting-times" of the day. But there's one thing I hate - she always use "Jesus Christ" as her character's favorite expression. I am not sure if that's how British people are...if they really use the name of our Lord as an expression that levels with foul words like "sh.t" and "f..k". Whether it is their norm or not...I am not comfortable reading my Lord's name being used as a foul word. So that keeps Stephenie Meyer and J.K Rowling on the top spot of my list of favorite authors.
...Imaginary friends can turn into a real person? Wooo! Well that's what I read from Sundays at Tiffany's written by James Patterson. Cool! This is why I love Fiction. There's no boundary. Anything can happen. Impossible can be possible. I love that book. I plan to read it again. Light and fast paced.
... Jaden Smith is the new Karate Kid? Really? Hmmm....this I have to see ... Jackie Chan will be playing Mr. Han? Alright!!! ... Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are officially dating? Finally!!! I've been waiting for this. Dreaming of this...they look perfect together ... I love Edward Cullen, that's why I like Robert Pattinson. But after watching "Remember Me", I realized there's so much to like about him...he is so talented. His acting is so compelling. I strongly believe he is on his way to be the next Leo DiCaprio of today's generation. ... What's with Kristen lately...she looks and acts like a "tomboy" could not see Bella in her...oh well. I still like her. I love her sneakers.
I love cats. I have a heart for them. For dogs too. Well okay...I love animals. Don't question me about this but a bigger portion of my heart goes to them.
Anyway, there are two stray cats in our store's parking lot looking and begging for food...everyday. I named them MJ (for Michael Jackson) and Debbie (obviously as in Debbie Rowe). They have three itsy-bitsy-cutie-kittens. I brought one of them home and named it Paris. I was supposed to take the other two but I couldn't find them anymore. One of the security guards assigned in the area said they were eaten by a snake from Manila Zoo. So beware: A snake is on the loose. I am not sure if the security guard is telling the truth or not. But honestly I am hoping it's not true. I have a heart for dogs, cats, rabbits, dolphins, whales...and a foot and loud shriek for snakes. I pity those two kittens.
Since nobody in the parking lot is showing any care to MJ and Debbie, I and my friend took the responsibility of feeding and giving them water everyday. It's so heartwarming seeing them waiting for us everyday...wearing their cute and sweet faces...excitedly running around...waiting for their plate of food and once it's on the floor..give them three minutes and the food is gone. We invest in feeding them Whiskas and Friskies. Expensive but I enjoy seeing the transformation in them. Their teeth are white, their coats are shiny and well...they're healthy! We're spoiling them. But the satisfaction and fulfillment I am getting... knowing that I am saving lives...no amount of money could match that. I like watching them drinking water as if they have not tasted water before and thrilled whenever Debbie would act sweet to me or MJ giving me his most lovely-cat-look. MJ is my favorite because he's been a victim of abuse and cruelty given by no other than...reckless and heartless humans. He has several wounds and he's so aloof...even to me. My goal is to win his trust and finally be able to touch him and play with him. He's not wild or dangerous. In fact he's very gentle and you could see in his eyes the pain and torture he experienced or experiencing.
Problem is...the mall where we're renting a store would be renovated this coming April. I wish to bring MJ and Debbie home, but I already have three cats and three dogs. I don't have room or space left for them anymore. My friend's parents are very strict and not animal friendly. I understand them. Anyway, I am worrying for them so I called up PAWS to inquire if they can help us by giving MJ and Debbie a home. Unfortunately, the guy who answered my call doesn't have any manners.
Let me share you our conversation:
Me: Hello, Good afternoon, I have two cats here. We saved them from cruel people around them. I wonder if you could give them a home. We're willing to provide food and medical expense if necessary. PAWS GUY: Hello (he answered in tagalog) Puno na dito e. Marami na masyado pusa. Me: Ah ganun ba. Diba may for adoption kayo? Gusto ko lang ihanap sila ng matitirhan. Kasi sinave lang namin sila. PAWS GUY: Pwede mo dalhin dito para ispay or i neutured saka pakakawalan din namin. Me: Pakakawalan? Diba dapat pinapaampon niyo? Or ihahanap ng matitirhan? Diba yun ang purpose ng org niyo? Hindi naman sila wild. Kasi naalagaan na namin. PAWS GUY: Marami na kasi dito e. Puno na (he said this with no manners at all) Me: Ganun ba? Papahelp lang sana ako. Kahit kami na magsupply ng food. PAWS GUY: E hindi naman sigurado mapupunta sa kanila yun kasi sama sama lang sila dun sama sama lang sila kumakain. Saka magkakasakit lang sila at mamamamatay. Me: Magkakasakit at mamamatay? E diba ang job niyo e alagaan sila at isave sila? PAWS GUY: E madami na nga kasi dito. Pakakawalan lang din sa lugar na hindi dangerous at makakakalmot ng tao. Me: Ganun ba? May maadvice ka ba sa akin? Kasi gusto ko lang sila mahanapan ng shelter? PAWS GUY: Puno na nga dito. Pakakawalan lang din namin pag dinala mo dito.(this time his tone is very disrespectful) Me: May iba ba ako pwede makausap diyan na maayos? ( Volunteer ka lang ba? PAWS GUY: Yup Volunteer lang ako. Me: Asan Manager mo? PAWS GUY: ANDITO. ITO. O. then his nice Manager talked to me....
If that Manager is in her right mind...She should chuck that volunteer out...because clearly he doesn't deserve the position he has in that place. In fact he shouldn't be in there because it's obvious from his tone that HE DOESN'T CARE!
I just realized that extreme anger is the best vitamin for my lazy hands.
Stupid volunteer! You're as stupid as that snake who ate the two kittens.
My long absence from here is caused by my lazy fingers. My brain is constantly working...telling me that my thought inbox would soon explode from over capacity and that it's about time I free some of it by writing those thoughts here in my blog. But my fingers are stubborn these days - creating a loath-hate relationship with my brain.
I have so much to write....so much. Only my fingers are winning and I don't have a choice but to give in and let them win this round again.
If there's a vitamin for fingers...give me one. I think my hands are exhausted from typing too much at the office.
One more rest season and I'll be back here soon. With old and fresh thoughts.
Originally, I plan to name this entry "Anyone but him" - but that sounds so hopeless and I have such big hopes and dreams for my beloved country.
Seriously, I am getting annoyed every time I see Manny Villar's persistent campaign ads on TV and hearing his irritating jingle. I now call it persistent and irritating because it really does irritates me a lot...NOW! When I first saw and heard it...it was catchy and very entertaining...and inspiring. For a week or two, his jingle was playing non stop on my head...like an alarm that won't go off. And I didn't mind it...at first.
But now...it pops up every 5 minutes. NAKAKASAWA NA!
It's not pleasant to my senses anymore.
It makes me want to shout and say "shut up okay? I get your point! You were poor, but now you are rich because of the power of your "sipag and tiyaga" - how many times do I have to hear it? It's not really convincing anymore. I compare his ads to a "nagging wife" - blah, blah, blah
And he's throwing so much money on those ads. Millions of money! And paid celebrities are popping too...the likes of Michael V. Dolphy, Willie Revillame (who is next?) who are all credible and respectable in their fields. But...think about this...who would be more convincing? A paid celebrity or an ordinary Filipino standing in front of TV, without any make up on and did not receive any centavo but instead voluntarily testifying about all the good things Manny Villar did to him/her - now that's what "credible" means to me.
I just don't get it! What's the point of all those big expenditures on ads and campaign materials? To convince voters? I don't think so.
Why don't you (and other politicians planning to follow the same expensive path) just use those Millions to build shelters for the poor families..for free! Or centers for old people and children on the street so that they would have places to stay - and then educate them and enhance their skills by giving them projects that our country could use - such as for exporting.
Money (sounds like your name) is powerful...don't waste it on TV Ads! Use it wisely! Be productive. Yes I know you helped a lot...but there are still more- than- a- lot who needs help. You don't need to be a President to exercise the power of your wealth and wisdom. You can do it now. Maybe then...you will win my vote.
As for now...I am thinking of voting for Noynoy Aquino whose image is as clean as a blank sheet of paper. Or Dick Gordon whose ability was already tried and tested at Subic Bay. There's Gibo also whose intelligence and good looks are truly admirable. I could vote for Eddie Villanueva...who has the same faith as mine...or Erap...who is already predictable...no need to think of the future...only remember the past.
Anyone...but Villar.
I wonder what will happen if he becomes the President...surely, Money would talk and expenses would greatly increase.
Didn't he know that what he's doing now is already a reflection of what he can do in the future?
My friends, please vote wisely.
And Mr. Villar...if you really want to win...throw away your cash and present yourself with nothing but wit, knowledge and plans for our country's future.
