THIS IS NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE

What happened to me?
What is happening to me?
Am I happy? I wish I am. I thought I am.
I am tired, I am scared
and I am dizzy.

I thought I know where my life is going.
I thought I know what I wanted to do.
I thought I am already doing and living my dream...

only to realize...my life...where I am now...is not where I want to be.
The person I am now...is not the person I am dreaming to be

all of these happened because I did not follow my heart...I follow somebody's dream, hope and wishes. I listened to their opinions. I let them guide me to the road I am unfamiliar. I did all these to please them. Because I love them. I thought it's alright...I thought I'll be fine. I thought I'll be happy.

I feel so lost

Until I saw the road where I'm supposed to be...where I want to be.

The job I want to do.
The position I want to have
The task I want to finish
The company where I want to give my best...all my best
and the man who I want to call "my boss"

I saw a glimpse of myself...standing on that familiar-friendly road.
The right way to my happiness
the journey of my dream

But then...
It's too late.
It might be too late
Too impossible to go back
to correct the mistakes

For years, I have been asking God for the wrong dream...
Begging him for something my heart won't follow
Crying for something I really don't want

For years, I thought the right thing to do is to do what other people think is right

My birthday is coming
And that's the reason why suddenly I thought of looking back..at where my life has been.

Surely, Lord
this is not where I want to be
Forgive me for praying for something I really do not want to happen.

Please lead me to the right path
Listen to my heart's desire
Help me start again
Make a way for me
Too impossible for my hands to reach
But then nothing's impossible when it comes to you Lord

Because I don't want to grow old with nothing but regrets and sleep in a pillow drenched in tears

I am begging you Lord...listen to my heart and not to my mind this time
My brain may think she's smart and she knows what is right
but only my heart knows who and what can make me happy.

Hear my cries, Lord.
Hear me begging

Lord, hold my hand and light my feet
for I am about to travel a new road

And I promise you
It is you and nothing but you who I will praise FOREVER