My Life My Race

My Life My Race

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

DEAR 2015

Dear 2015,

I was so excited to meet you when 2014 left
I was so ready to greet you with a smile
I was expecting to receive a gift from you
But you brought me a very big problem with a black ribbon
I didn't know what was wrong with you
You took precious gifts that 2014 gave me.
I hated you immediately for that. I hated you a lot.
I told myself, I shouldn't have waited for you.
Maybe you felt bad too for bringing me a wrong gift
Maybe you were so sorry for what you did
And you decided to be friends with me
So you surprised me with plenty of gifts
Some are beautiful and big
Many are colorful and cute
You showered me with wonderful surprises
I was amazed! I was overwhelmed
You sent me gifts I didn't expect to receive
I smiled and laughed a lot
I loved you after that
I said "you are the best than other years i met"
But, maybe you are not used to hearing praises
Maybe you don't want to be loved
Maybe you don't know how to accept gratitude
Maybe you thought I didn't appreciate you at all
You took back some of those gifts you gave me
It's fine. I can accept that.
But you also took the gift that God gave me.

Why? It's not yours. It's mine.
For 15 years, I've been taking good care of it.
You're not supposed to touch it.
Who are you to take it?
Even if you send me gifts now
You can never replace it.
I will always be thankful for those beautiful gifts you gave me
I didn't know they are not free so you took one precious thing from me.
Soon, you will be leaving me
Although, I hate you a lot and wouldn't want to see you again
Still, thank you for leaving me with wonderful memories to remember.

Good bye 2015. Do me a favor, please tell 2016 to be good to me.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

I remember my brave little protector

15 years ago, a white little poodle came to our lives. I believe God sent him to us as a gift...Yes he's a gift...But 2 months ago, something terrible happened.

Early morning of November 15, 2015 our little poodle died. It was and still a very shocking incident.
It's not his time yet. He's not supposed to die. Not this year. Not next year. He's so healthy!
And he don't want to live. He still want to run and jump and play some more with my other dogs. papa accidentally ran him over with our car. He didn't know that our Aga was taking a nap under our car in the garage.

If only I could turn back the time... If only i was there to save him. I have so many regrets! I blame myself.
After being a faithful and loyal dog to us...we killed him. This memory would always hunt me.
I don't have any way of forgetting what happened...because i don't want to forget.
If only God would give me a chance to hug Aga again and say sorry...

For now, I survive by remembering my happy memories of him.

•I remember the day he arrived in our family 15 years ago. He's a gift of the pet shop owner where we bought 2 dogs for my grandfather. The owner said "for free...a gift"

•I remember waking up and seeing him in our kitchen for the first time. He's so small and white. He looked so scared. I took him and hugged him. I wanted to name him "Archie" but my mama said we should call him "AGA"

•I remember seeing him running in our garage. Inviting our old family dog "mikee" to play. But mikee was so jealous of him. She didn't want to play with him.

•Everyday he would try and try to play with mikee. Sometimes he's lucky sometimes not.

•I remember seeing him in his first cage. That cage originally belonged to our dog who died already. He did not complain. He loved his cage although it's old and smelly. He'a just happy that he has his own house.

•I remember him always trying to get inside our house. That's what he really be with us sleep with us but my mama kept him outside in a cage because he would pee everywhere. He accepted this fact with no hard feelings. But he tried and tried again. He's always happy and excited whenever there's a chance to roam inside our house.

•I remember him jumping up and down inside his cage everytime we'll arrive from school, work or somewhere. He's always excited to greet us.

•When I was still a student, I often leave the house in the morning and come home at dinner time. Aga would patiently wait for me and would greet me as I arrive. I would greet him too by saying "hi aga" then, i would go inside our house and do my assignments or watch TV. I spent very little time with him then... Not checking if he ate or if he's drinking clean water. Still, he was patient and did not complain. He's ready to show affection whenever I'm near him.

•I remember him sleeping in his dark cage. It's dirty and smelly. I was too busy to tell our helper to keep it clean. Instead of hating me, he would greet me happily every time i visit him.

•New puppies and cats came. Instead of being jealous, he played with them and loved them. He's always there beside me whenever i'm taking care of my other giving them vitamins or medicines. He's there beside me as if to assist me or help me. He's my little nurse.

•I remember him being quiet whenever we have a problem at home. It's his way of saying..."i don't want to be a burden. But i'm here if you need me."

•He's always quick to know when I'm sad or happy. He's angry when I'm angry and happy when I'm happy. He always support me.

•I remember those 2 times we lost him because of our irresponsible helper. Our helper forgot to close the gate and he went out. Thank God, his angels brought Aga back. He's so smart, he recognized the sound of our car as we passed at the house of the person who took him. He barked loudly to call us. Because of that, we got him back.

•I remember putting medicine on his wound when our neighbor's dog bit him. He was in so much pain but he let me clean and put medicine on his wound. He showed me that he trust me.

•I remember the first time we brought him to a grooming salon. He's so scared. He didn't enjoy riding our car. He didn't enjoy being with other people. He's so nervous. He enjoyed being groomed though. He loved his new look! But that's the first and last time we brought him far from our home. He's our little homebody:)

•I remember the first time I tried grooming him. I accidentally cut his skin. It bleed and i knew it's painful. He let me know he's hurt by moving away from me but after a few seconds he sat beside me again. He forgave so easily. I loved him more after that. I promised him I would be more careful.

•I remember the second time I groomed him. He just sat and waited patiently while i carefully cut his hair. He's so relaxed. He really trust me. I am thankful for that. His grooming session with me became our bonding moment.

•I remember him running happily in the garage and inside our home every time he has a new haircut. He wants to show off his new look. He knows it when he looks cool!

•I remember buying him a Superman shirt. He loved it immediately. Everytime he's wearing it, he'll run and run around the house...looking happy and proud. He loves showing his Superman shirt to every one. He loves to hear hear us say "oh you're wearing your Superman look so cute and cool aga!" It's the time of his life :)

•I remember him waiting and jumping outside our kitchen door every time he knows my mama is cooking liver and chicken for him. He's so excited! Liver and chicken are his favorites.

•I remember buying him Pedigree savory chicken every week. He loves it! He couldn't stop jumping...So excited to eat pedigree every lunch time.

•I remember how he loves "Smart Heart" dog food. It used to be his favorite kibble until he tries Acana lamb and apple. He has good taste!

•I remember the time I let him borrow my Snowball's cage so he can get out of his filthy old cage. He's so appreciative. He loved the cage. Although it's small...he still appreciated his "new house".

•I remember the day I bought him a brand new light blue dog house. He looked so happy! The house was too big for him but he loved it. He loved that he can sleep in any comfortable position. I made sure there's plenty of space for him. He also enjoyed his new bed and pillow. Although I spent a lot...I bought it for Aga to show him that although there are so many of them...he's still my no.1 and he deserves that "big house." His very own house.

•I remember buying him a new leash and collar. He loved them! I like buying him stuffs because he's so appreciative. He loved all my gifts!

•I remember him acting like a supervisor everytime my other big dogs and cats are playing. He's their "little boss". He's always there to assist me when I need to stop my big dogs from playing because they're too rowdy.

•I remember him jumping up and down beside me while I make their food every morning. I remember his excited bark. He won't stop jumping and barking not until I give him his breakfast. I always feed him show my big dogs that he's the boss and they shouldn't fight with him.

•I remember him acting like a referee everytime two of my big dogs would fight. I get scared everytime he do that. He don't like it when my big dogs and cats fight. He's our little peacemaker.

•I remember how my big dogs would follow him. They all love him. He gets along with everyone including my cats.

•I remember him pretending to sleep everytime he knows it's his bath time. He don't like it. But he loves to play in the rain.

•I remember him looking and feeling good after his bath time. He would run and run and run.

•I remember watching him having a nap after a delicious lunch.

•I remember giving him body and head massage whenever i can. He loved it! He would not demand it but he would show me that he wants a massage and would be thankful if i give him one.

•I remember giving him belly rubs. He liked it a lot!

•I remember him running towards me every time I would call his name. He knows my voice.

•I remember him going inside the house of my cats. He visits them whenever he can.

•I remember him courting our big dog. Though he would often get a big growl it did not stop him from pursuing her. I am the one stopping him because he's too small for her.

•I remember my one year old shihtzu (winter) giving him a kiss and inviting him to play. They look so cute.

•I remember him hiding everytime he knows it's "brush" teeth time. I told him many times he needs it to keep his teeth strong but he would still try his best to avoid it.

•I remember him coming to me...sitting beside me whenever I'm outside..either reading or studying. He would come to me... Would sit down beside me and would stare at me. It's his way of getting a head massage from me.

•I remember how I easily panic every time he would not eat...I would instantly give him Pedigree and all his favorite food.

•I remember the time he had fever...I carried him to comfort him. Then, I placed a hot water bottle on his bed to keep him warm and gave him Vit. C. He never asked...he never demanded...but he looked so satisfied and happy that I'm taking care of him. I love taking care of him. He's a good patient.

•I remember that morning when I heard him barking so loud...waking me up...telling me that he's fine already. He's telling me that his fever is gone. He always remind me that God is our healer.

•I remember scolding him everytime he takes a nap under our car. He pretends not to hear anything.

•I remember scolding him everytime he sleeps outside his house. I don't want him to get dirty or get sick because the floor will make him cold.

•I remember him getting mad at my Sophie (our pug) when she's too rowdy. He's really a good brother to my 8 other dogs.

•I remember that he's the only one who is not afraid of a blow dryer. All my dogs and cats hates it because of the noise.

•I remember how easy and obedient he is in taking his medicines when he's sick. He takes his vitamins everyday too. Although he don't like the taste, he still takes it.

I can't type every memory I have of him. I thank God for those 15 beautiful years we have with Aga. I thank God I have so many memories of him to remember every time I miss him. 15 years sounds like "many years" but for me 15 years is not enough. I am not yet tired taking care of him. I want to hug him more. I want to spend more time with him.

I don't know for how long I'll be like this. I see him everyday for 15 years. I am having a hard time adjusting my life now. A life without our little superhero. Maybe God will help me heal my pain. Maybe time can erase the regrets I have now. But one thing is for sure...there will be no day that I will stop thinking of my Aga. There's no other dog like him. He's truly God's gift to us.

This comforts me though....knowing that he's now with Mikee again. I am sure Mikee is happy to see him. I bet he's playing with Snowball and Winter too. Someday, I will see them again.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

My wish for Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Happy Birthday!!!

Today, I wish every people from every nation will praise you
May every creature here on earth glorify you
I wish every knee will bow down as they hear your name
I wish they will remember that Christmas is your birthday and not just a season

I wish those who haven't prayed in their life will learn how to pray
I wish today people will remember to thank you for every blessing they receive each day.
I wish people will know that their purpose here on earth is to serve you.
I wish people who don't believe in You will see miracles today.

I wish people who think you are dead will feel your presence
I wish people who don't believe you exist will learn that you are the reason why they are breathing.
I wish people will think of you in every beautiful things and places they see
I wish people will love you more than anything and everything in this world.

Jesus, I am blessed because I have you
I am thankful that you can you hear me when I pray
You are there to rescue me when I am in danger
You protect me from all bad people around me

Thank you for all the surprise gifts you gave me this year
Thank you for sending me beautiful things that made me smile
Thank you for all those amazing moments you allowed me to see
Those happy memories kept me strong despite trials that came my way

I am not perfect Jesus.
I always sin. I make mistakes.
But in whatever i do and wherever i go
It is your name who i will call

A very painful thing happened to me this year
I was so down but you comforted me
Each time I wake up, you are there to guide me
You never left me

I wish today, I can make you smile

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Longest Bitter Sweet Summer

It's too hot!
Five minutes after shower
and Here I am sweating
It's already the eight month
and summer is still here...

No offense to those who love summer
I once loved it too and maybe I still do
When I was still a student
Summer was the best moment of my life
No assignments and no bad teachers

Summer meant waking up late
eating a lot of ice cream
watching cartoons in the afternoon
playing with my neighbor
and doing crazy stuffs

Now, I see it as a torture
a punishment and a taste of hell
An exaggeration, you might think
Come here and you will agree with me
Thank God, I haven't cursed it yet

The longest summer of my life
Surely, the hottest too
I have eaten too many ice cream already
Crushed too many ice on my mouth
and spent more than an hour in the shower

Used two tubes of SPF and now another one
Holding the umbrella too long
My right hand is now feeling numb
I had to give up my long hair too
and my favorite black shirt

The rain comes and goes
But summer is here night and day
Though I complain a lot
I know I cannot hate summer forever
Now and then it shows me love

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Stop asking for what is not yours

I am a girl who don't ask for much
I usually feel happy with what I already have
But of course there are times when I will ask for something
A thing that I really really like
Something that I dream about
Something I wish I have

Some friends would say "ask for it and you'll have it"
"Just wait and it will come" is another advice I get
So for 8 long years...I asked God for it
With a smile, I wait patiently
There were moments I would get positive signs
Feeling hopeful, I would say "almost mine"

Just when I thought I already have it
God changed the scenes completely
My hopes...all gone
I felt like I slept for a long time
I woke up and somebody else is holding my dream
that one thing I really love

What happened there? I don't know
Do I still like it? Yes
Will I ask for it again? No
Will I wait for it again? Not anymore
Will I dream of it again? Yes

Because maybe...just maybe
God might change the scene again
Maybe next time I wake up...
It will be in my hands
If it is will be mine
I don't need to ask nor wait

If God will give you to me
I don't need to wait for you
Because no matter how far you are
God will bring me closer to you
If you are mine, I don't need to ask
Because God would say "He's always yours"

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Demons of Yulin

"Last Sunday, Satan declared a Holiday and his demons went to Yulin China for a vacation".
This is the only explanation I can accept and believe why people in Yulin celebrated a Dog and Cat Meat Festival.
I believe that no human whose heart and mind are both normal would boil a dog and a cat and skinned them alive.
I believe only a fool would eat a dog or a cat thinking that it would make him healthier and stronger.
I believe no man who fears God would act violently and brutally kill a life whose purpose is not to be eaten but to be a companion.
I believe that humans are compassionate and reasonable.
So, I think and I believe that those Chinese people in Yulin are "demons in disguise".
The true citizens of Yulin are those who risked their lives
and those who tried their best efforts to save if not all at least some of the dogs and cats
captured by those demons.

If there are demons, surely there are Angels.
They are at work now to destroy these demons.
Yulin is not a place for them.
They should be in Hell where they could have fun in the lake of fire.

*photos are not mine.

Sunday, May 3, 2015


I heart you Floyd!
You're a true human.
I can't blame you. I feel you.
When your crush is in front of you
and you really admire the person
All you want to do is hug him right?

I know you're just acting like you hate Manny
The more you hate, the more you love :)
The truth is, you like the guy!
Who wouldn't?! He's a great boxer.
The best boxer today.
And I know you find him cute

But Floyd, if you want a hug and handshake
Go to Pacquiao's fan meeting!
I am sure he'll give you an autograph and a smile
But when you're in a boxing ring
and you joined a battle
Don't run! Give it a try! Fight!

Maybe you have goosebumps all over your body
You feel scared and shy at the same time
Why not? You're with Manny Pacquiao in the same ring!
So I don't really hate you
You look tough on the outside
But I know you're a teddy bear :)

Credits to the photographers of these photos

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Not All Things Change

"Nothing is permanent"
"All things change"
"Nothing will stay the same"
"Change is the only permanent thing"

Sayings and quotes are nice to read
But I don't agree with everything
There are things that are permanent
And not all things change

I still like vanilla ice cream.
I love chocolate candies but not chocolate ice cream
I still hate summer because I love cold days.
and I still find it hard to wake up early

I know it's a sin but I still worry a lot
I still get nervous in front of many people
I still don't know how to fix my hair right
and how to put eye make up.

I have new friends but same number of true friends
All adults now but we still act like kids when together
All the bullies I know are still the same
And those who are blessed are still blessed

I love airports but I still hate waiting
I love plane rides but I still hate long flights
I love vacations but I still hate unplanned trips
I like seeing you because I still love you

That will never change!