My Life My Race

My Life My Race

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

THANK YOU 2013! I will miss you!

2013 is my best year since 2007
I waited 6 long years...
For blessings to come again
and they came like rain

I shed buckets of tears
and almost gave up
I felt weak and tired
To hopeless to stand up

2013 made me cry a lot
But it made me smile everyday
I had more laughs
and sweet memories to remember

2013 gave me time to travel a lot
I learned new things
I met new friends
I met my old friends again

2013 showed me what true love is
It is not learned and cannot be forced
Must not be out of pity or friendship
2013 brought me few steps closer to it

2013 gave me time to set my priorities
"work" is the last thing on my list
I hugged those I love while I can
I do not want to have regrets again

2013 is truly memorable
Though you gave me pains
You were good to me

Just like 2007...

I will miss you terribly

Monday, December 30, 2013

Wrong Door

I love kids. I really do.
I find them cute, funny and always happy.
They talk openly and they seldom lie.

I never see myself as a teacher
But If ever I would become a teacher
I would love to teach kids

On my way to finding the right path
A door was opened for me
I bravely entered it

I did not think twice.
I did pray but did not wait for answer
I got the shock of my life.

I love kids but not older kids
To be called "professor" sounds weird to me
By people just a few years younger than me

They cheat and they lie
They say bad words in classroom
I can count those who are polite

To talk in front of many strangers
Is not a dream come true
I entered the wrong door

I have to find the exit soon
But while I am still here
I will cherish the moment

I will remember few students
showing good manners and politely listening
Those who will turn their back to say thank you

I will give this job my best
For God and not for any body else
I will bear the pain for now

I will continue traveling this road
Until I find the right door
Surely, God will lead me there

Monday, December 23, 2013

Sending my greetings to Heaven

Dear Jesus,

How are you?
It's your birthday. Again.
I doubt if you really grow old
Or if you have any age

How do you celebrate?
Maybe not with balloons or cake
Do you sit down with friends
or joke around with your angels?

I know you like music
You like to be praised
You enjoy seeing people
dancing and singing

I thought I know you
But my wisdom is too little
to understand you
So, I wish to know you more

In my eyes, you are no longer a lamb
who is meek and never proud
You are a strong lion. A brave king
Who owns everything

You do what you like.
You control the future
You erase the past
You own the present

You own my thoughts. My heart.
Everything that surrounds me is yours
I cannot hide from you, even if I want to
You are the God I have to bow down to

Those good things you gave me
are never mine
Things that I love, you take them
Anytime you need them back

What can I do?
I cannot complain. I can only cry.
You remind me all the time
You are the King. I am but a servant.

Everything is borrowed.
Everything is lent
I came to this world alone
For my life is borrowed too

I write this with a sad heart
But I do not hate you
I will not hate you
I will still thank you

You are my God
I will not bow down to any other gods
On your birthday
This is my promise to you

I thank you for all the good things
you lent me this year
Thank you for remembering to bless me
I have questions. But I will trust you.

I hope if you are going to lend
me another good thing
Please make it stay longer
and remind me that you are gracious

I cannot go to Heaven to greet you personally
So just read my thoughts and my heart.
Be loving to me and send my greetings
to those that I love who are Heaven

Have a Happy Birthday Jesus!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Winter left me before Christmas

I saw her face and I thought of Winter
Some dogs look the same
but she's the prettiest in her litter
White with only a hint of brown
on her tiny ears
Just like the season, not perfect
but still wonderful

She is a quiet dog
Just like me, she loves corners
Beside a wall, underneath the table
if not, beside me
She would bark if needed
Few loud barks and nothing more
Few words indeed

I admire her patience
Hours and hours of waiting
She would punish me with kisses
I take them as my reward
She would stay on my lap
Asking for a back massage
and a bowl of her food

Like a real daughter
She is an obedient one
I say no and she would abide
No complaining, no whining
I love her she knows
Everything is for her good
She trust me.

Her eyes are big
full of innocence
She is after all a baby
Never proud. Always meek.
She knows what is hers and not
Never selfish. Always a giver.
She would share her bowl

I wake up. She will wake up
I sleep and she will sleep
She will eat what I feed her
She will take what I give her
Vitamins and bitter medicines
She will accept them quietly
I am a proud mommy

She lived like an only child
She can play on her own
when I am not around
When I with her
I am her only world
Her playmate
Her best friend

She loves me I know
She cares for me too
But I cannot touch her feet.
Don't even try. She hates it.
She acts just like me
She gets angry sometimes
But she would never bite her mommy

She loves water.
Cold or not
She drinks two bottles a day
So, I do not worry for her health
Because I know she would stay
For years and many more years
We will be together and play

Breakfast time yesterday
She ate her food and played
I left her for a second
Knowing she will drink water
I glanced again and there she was
Too weak to stand
Too weak to breath
In seconds, she was gone

Her life was cut short
Her heart stopped too early
He was but a year old
Too early to die
And what about me?
Just like last time
I was left with nothing

No matter how hurt I am today
I cannot complain
Just like the season,
she cannot stay
When summer comes, I will wish for cold
Because only winter and snow
can make me whole

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

My Bucket List

Life is short...they always say. So I made a list of things I want to do before I go to Heaven. Some are simple and believable. Some are possible but hard to do. Life is short so why not make it fun.

1. Skydiving

2. Dance in the rain

3. Go to London

4. Swim with the dolphins

5. Go to Israel and walk where Jesus walked

6. Fly a kite

7. Drive a Ferrari

8. Kiss the man I truly love

9. Hug all my cousins.

10. Say sorry to my mama and papa for all the wrong things I did

11. Save many stray cats and dogs and find them a home

12. Meet the President of our country

13. Help a stranger

14. Learn how to play drums and electric guitar

15. Get close to a lion and a tiger

16. Touch a whale

17. Fall in love and get married

18. Play all day

19. Write a good piece that can touch someone's heart

20. Drive really fast

21. Cry because I'm happy

22. Sleep under a tree

23. Go to a skating rink and skate as fast as I can

*I don't own all the pictures uploaded here

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


It's past midnight and I am on a plane
I feel bored. I look outside the window.
It's too dark and I can't see anything
So I just closed my eyes to sleep
But I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking.

Four hours on the plane feels like four days
On my lap is a book and a magazine
I turn the pages without reading
While I listen to a song I can't comprehend
I heard the pilot speaking
We are here. I am here. Our plane has landed...

I arrived while the sun is rising
The weather is cold and the leaves are red
It's Autumn. My time of the year.
I grabbed my jacket and my bag
I can't wait. But I have to be patient.

They say, tomorrow is the day.
Because it's your special day.
I count the minutes and the hours
I walk. I run. I play.
To make the day go faster

Tomorrow came. Today is the day.
I wear a skirt instead of pants
I wear heels and not my sneakers
Pink blush on my cheeks and
red lipstick on my lips

You look shock. I look different I know
But I am still the same girl you know
Nothing changed. But it's your special day
I left early to ride a plane
Just to greet you a Happy Birthday

Now, I am here in front of you
Now, you hold my hand.
Now, you are smiling.
Now, you look at me
Now, you know how much you mean to me

You make my heart beat faster
You make me catch my breath
You make me nervous and anxious
You make me smile and feel happy
This is me when I am with you

There you stand holding my hand
Squeezing it tight and not letting go
I see your smile. I hear your laugh
Can you see that I am happy too?
I know you do

Tomorrow, the leaves will still be red
Some will be orange, brown and yellow
The wind will still be cold
And the leaves will soon fall... but
Tomorrow, you will still be in my heart

I will not say good bye
And this time I will not cry
Winter will come and Spring will follow
I promise not to forget
When Autumn comes, I will see you again

Monday, March 18, 2013

Hard to Find

I think it's easier to find a white rock
than finding a real honest person
someone who will not lie or give an excuse that it's just a white lie
Making it white doesn't mean it's pure.
There is no such thing as a pure sin
I will appreciate a person who speaks the truth
what he feels and what he thinks
It may hurt me or offend me
I will accept a candy covered in sour coating
but never a sweet candy that leaves a bitter after taste

I think it will be easier for me to find a pot of gold and meet a leprechaun
compared to finding someone who is truly kind and nice.
Two commonly used words...simple and easy to spell..
They say there are many
I might have already met some or few
But have they always been like that?
No personal interest? Such as wanting to hear praises or be described as like that
At the back of their they really think nothing but kindness?
If those few I met are true and I am able to prove it
then I will treasure them more than any jewel
How kind and nice are they?
Do they stop to help an old lady cross the street?
Feed an orphan?
Save a stray cat?
Give a lost dog a shelter?
It is not the weight or gravity of the good deed
But the intention...
Did they do that in front of friends? Or done in secret?
I wish it's the second

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

My Rainbow

I couldn't remember the last time I saw a rainbow. More than 5 years maybe.
And lately, I've been thinking about God's promises for my future...

Been sad for two months now
I needed to smile...
To re-energize myself
Be excited and laugh again

At 4:07pm Dec 29, 2012 - God's super ears heard my thoughts
He can read minds I know...better than Edward Cullen

I was listening to my Ipod
(as if someone called me) I turned my head to my right
and there it was...My rainbow
Not a perfect arch...the colors were fading
But perfect for the day
It made me smile
and tonight, I heard myself laughing again

So this is how if feels to have a happy weekend...

Monday, February 11, 2013


MOVE ON! I always hear this words from people I know who doesn't know me well.
I hear the same words from people close to me but can't understand me.
I know they don't mean anything bad. Their intentions are pure. They are just saying it to comfort me.
What they don't know is...I get my comfort from pretending that my grandfather is still here.

For me, "moving on" means getting out of a bad situation, leaving it behind and erasing it from memory.
Moving on means living a new life and changing myself for the better.

I don't need to move on because my grandfather was one of God's greatest blessing to me. His memory still remains a blessing. His death might be a bad situation but my time with him is too precious to leave behind.

I don't need to move on because I get my strength by remembering him
That I have a duty to finish, goals to meet and promises to keep

I don't want to move on because by pretending that he's still alive
I can remember who I am and what I am supposed to do
and that I should endure whatever pain this life offers
because after all there is still Heaven

If I do good and I finish the race, then saying good bye would be meaningless
In just a few years, we will see each other again.

People in the same boat knows we don't have to move on
Because it's what keeps us going....

Sunday, January 27, 2013

My list of things that surprised/shocked me last 2012

1. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are a couple. Officially. Yay!!! For four years already...I can't believe it! But I'm happy. The rumors are true! How can they keep it a secret, I don't know. Anyway, my "fan wish" came true. Edward and Bella together :)

2. Kristen Stewart cheated Robert Pattinson by kissing her SWTH Director. (WHAT????) That's insane!

2. After some weeks, Robert forgave her and they are back together - Awesome!

3. The bloody "half-cooked" Hainanese Chicken served to me at Chicken Rice Shop. (I politely called the waitress and showed her my "bleeding" Hainanese Chicken. I expected her to replace it with a "cooked" one. She did replace it... with "another" bloody hainanese chicken.) I'm not a vampire that's why I don't like blood. I'm not going to eat there again.

4. I can call and text my friends abroad for free? Really?! Wow! I love Viber, Kakao Talk and Line. Those apps are really cool! Thanks to technology.

5. I can drink 4 cups of coffee in a day and still feel sleepy. That means I really have the most boring job.

6. It's possible to have several male friends (really really close friends) and not feel any romantic feelings to any of them. Just friendship. I just discovered that I don't fall in love easily or I simply don't want to fall in love with a friend. I prefer strangers???

7. A relative can hurt and betray you just as fast as a low life standing in an alley can stab you. It hurts a lot to be honest. Can't trust anyone.

8. Not all milk tea taste good. I will stick to Gong Cha.

9. The number of Koreans coming to Manila is increasing. Korean groceries, salon and restaurants are all over the Metro. Malate area is sort of called "little seoul" by K-fanatics. Filpinos going to Korea to visit their favorite K-drama shooting locations are also increasing. So, how about exchanging countries? I don't mind. I love Autumn and Winter.

10. Naia Terminal 1 is still the worst Airport. (Dirty, old, disorganized and small). I love my country but I hate that Airport.

11. Baby soup in China, dog meat soup in Korea, dolphin/whale meat in Japan - OH MY! I'd rather starve to death. No offense. I'm just not that hungry.

12. Lee Min Ho in!!! Where was I that time? At my boring work :(
So near yet so far.

13. Can't find a "so-good-cannot-take-my-eyes-off-cannot-stop-reading-just-like-twilight-and-harry-potter" book to read. My eyes feel lonely. I really need a good book but I'm not interested to read 50 Shades of Grey.

14. Barack Obama won again. I thought majority of the Americans don't like him. So it's true, the more you hate the more you love.

15. December came and the weather was still hot! What's happening? Even the weather is arriving late. It woke up confused just like me.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

2012 Surprised me

2012 was definitely not a boring year for me.
It gave me a "roller coaster ride" of emotions
My stress level reached its peak
My tear ducts overflowed
My heart almost stopped beating
No exaggeration here...
2012 really surprised me. a lot.
On few boring days, I felt numb.

Surprise! Surprise!
- I never liked my birthday. It's not my favorite time of the year.
Who wants to get old? Certainly not me. And also because...every birthday of mine ends in a sad or bad way. Either someone forgets, i ate the wrong food, it's a weekday, someone special is sick or too busy and other tricks to ruin the day.
But this year, I had a real and unexpected "happy birthday" -
celebrated three times in three different ways with three different groups of people - my friends, my dad's family and my mom's family.
Usually, my family members just call or post Facebook greetings on my wall. But this year, they attended my "party" and greeted me in person. Thanks to my grandpa (mom's side) and to my grandma (dad's side). They made my 2012 birthday celebration extra special. I was surprised to see myself enjoying my birthday.

- Second surprise...I am still alive. Breathing. I am supposed to die after my birthday...according to four fortune tellers - Filipino, Chinese, Japanese and Korean. Yup, I received four translations of my "life reading". You're wrong if you're thinking that I visited those fortune tellers and had my palm read. I met them while traveling. I met them while buying souvenirs, eating in a restaurant and talking to a friend who lives there. They are old, over friendly and willing to read my palm (or my face) for free. They asked for my birth date too. Freaky and weird. I didn't want to be rude so I entertained them. And all of them said the same thing...I am going to die soon. I have a very short life. I was 22 when I met a Hong Kong Lady while buying some souvenirs. She came up to me and asked if she could read my palm and what's my birth date. I didn't want to be rude, so I obliged. She said, death is always following me. (Cool! I have a stalker). I freaked out at first. "I am going to die!" But after hearing a Filipino and Japanese version of my future...I thought, well...why not? Life is not always good and exciting. Death would be a gift. I don't want to grow old anyway. So it's fine. No problem. The Korean version is milder- It just said that I'm going to be really really sick so I should be careful. Since then, I live each day, thinking I'm going to die soon...Sounds stupid. For believing those freaky fortune tellers. Stupid for not trusting God. Still, I feel disappointed.

- Third surprise. I got a job from one of our country's top government agency. Many say I was lucky to get the job. I passed the exam and interview and I got accepted without any help from someone powerful - I don't know anyone inside. I used what I know not who I know. I thought the job was an answered prayer - decent work position, perfect work schedule (no work on weekends and no overtime), nice office and a big salary with lots and lots of bonuses and privileges...a dream job! Well, i thought it's a dream job. But after three days, I discovered that my boss's halo and angel wings are fake! They burned instantly. She came straight from hell to torment innocent people like me. Her sentences begins and ends with bad words. She's a "fat-lying-corrupt-insecure-abusive-loud-mouth-spoiled-brat" monster.

-Fourth surprise. God took my grandfather away. He went to Heaven and left us without saying goodbye. The biggest surprise. Too bad it's not a pleasant one. I lost him in the same month I lost my dear snowball...just after a year. I lost him too in the same way I lost my snowball. He died in the hospital. Vomiting...too much pain...because of kidney failure. His heart gave up. I wasn't there. I was 6 hours away by car. I was in my room. Praying. Asking God to keep his heart beating. Just like my prayer for Snowball...I didn't get an answer. What's the message? What's the reason? Why? All that happened in just one day. No signs. No warnings. At 78, he's still very strong and healthy. Few weeks ago before he died, he called me while I was in Korea...It was early in the morning around 8:00am Manila time... just to tell me to buy him and my grandma bottles of Bvulgari perfume. I thought "wow...couple!" I was surprised. He usually don't do me out of the blue to buy something for him. But I appreciate it. I felt what a grand daughter should feel. I love doing favors for my grandparents...maybe because I seldom see them. I crave for their presence. A week after that call, I saw my grandfather again at my aunt's birthday party. He asked me to sit beside him and I did. We talked about my trip, we joked about my "still- single-when-are-you-getting-married" status" - he said he would love to see his great grandchild soon and he told me to come home with him and help him run the business. I gave him short replies...just a couple of nods and lots of smile...content just to sit beside him. We took photos after dinner and while I was about to kiss him goodbye...he hugged me. I always miss him. So a hug from him is always precious to me. If I only knew that would be the last...I should have talked to him more, hugged him more and maybe get married right then and there so he could see me wearing a wedding gown. If I only knew......When he left, my life became different. Like everything collapsed. My will to succeed is gone. I think because, though I have loving parents, it is my grandfather who appreciate me the most.

- Fifth surprise. I saw my prince again after four long years...after thinking I wouldn't see him again. And this time...he's free.