My Life My Race

My Life My Race

Thursday, May 31, 2012

MY LIFE AND MY CAT PART 4 ( Dear God, WHY?!)



Dear God,

You can read my thoughts and you can see everything...
I cannot hide anything from you...
I do not have to explain why work became my last priority...
I do not have to justify why I no longer work for success...
I work only because I have to. You will hate me if I'm lazy...
But, I no longer compete...
I am content with what I have...
I have my parents...
I have Snowball...
I am happy...
Everyday is a blessing..
I can breath. I can play...
I feel complete...




Friends and relatives betrayed me...
They never know what loyalty means...
I don't even know if they can really love...
I don't need them anyway...
I have Snowball...
He is my best friend...
I can survive each day because of him...
Trials come and go. They hit me like waves...
and I stand firm with him on my side...
I sometimes cry but then he will look at me,
and I will be reminded of your love...
Snowball reminds me of you all the time...
How loving and faithful you are...
When I look at Snowball, I see good and perfect things...
which only you can give...
I don't feel lonely anymore...



I am happy...I was happy
Then suddenly, you changed everything...
You took my happiness
What did I do wrong?
Did I make you unhappy?
Are you mad at me?
Why do you have to take Snowball away?
Why did you make him sick?
I took care of him...
You saw it with your own eyes...
Why take him away?
Do you need him?
You own everything...
and I only have him...

I never expected you will hurt me like this
I thought you will never betray me
I trusted you...
But what can I do? You are God and I am just a human...
Who am I compared to you...
Who am I that you should care for?

You gave my old life back...
Which I did not ask for...
How can I live my life now?
Tell me, because I don't know how...
You already changed my heart...
Without Snowball, I am alone...
Without him, I lost my purpose
He is my parents'apple of the eye...
our pride and joy
and you took him away...

WHY?

Can you hear me crying? Can you see my tears?
You know everything...You know how I feel...
I cannot understand what happened...
I thought you gave him to me...
Because you wanted him to be with me...
Because I am better when he is with me...

Did you send him only to change me?
I cannot remember borrowing him from you
I asked him from you...
You are the one who gave...
Now I know your power to take...
In just a blink of an eye...Snowball is gone

I will never understand...
But though I feel betrayed, I will still trust you
You are God and I am just a human...
Even I belongs to you...
You run my life according to your will...

I don't know how to live my life now...
I don't know how to start again...
When you see me smile, don't think that I am happy...
I can laugh but don't think that I am glad...
I can pretend because I am human...

I miss Snowball so much...
I am still thankful that he knows I love him...
I cannot understand what happened...
But this I hope...
That someday, when my turn comes...
for me to leave my loved ones

...
You will comfort them...and not leave them unanswered...

I don't know why...I don't know the reason
Perhaps you need Snowball too...
Perhaps you miss him too...
He is yours anyway...now I know...
Thank you Lord for sharing him to me...
He made me happy...It was the best four years of my life...

Dear God,
Can I see him again?
Will you bring me to Heaven?
Will you forgive me?
This I hope and pray
Let me see Snowball again
To run with him...
To play wit him...

This time...forever







1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This masterpiece of yours reminds me of my pet cat for 14 years... He died after nine years ago. Thanks for emphasizing that pets as they are, they are also capable of loyalty...of love. :-)