My Life My Race

My Life My Race

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


She saw him first. Thought he looked like Kim Bum and was instantly attracted.
He approached her and introduced himself
He gave her the sweetest smile and it caught her heart
He spoke to her and his voice lingered in her ears - like soft music
She kept on replaying the "first meeting" in her mind over and over again

She knew right there and then she's developing a "crush" with that guy.
After 10 long years of not having any crush...
She felt like a teenager again...happy, giggly and blushing


She saw him first again
She was staring at his back
and when he turned
She knew it was no ordinary crush
Another glimpse told her it is love.

She was with her male best friend then
The guy asked if her companion is a boyfriend
She accidentally told him "yes"
Being in love makes her crazy and incomprehensible

The guy asked her companion
when they had time alone if he is her boyfriend
He said "just friends"
He again asked after several minutes
(maybe to confirm)pointing at me "married?"
the best friend said "no"

The night passed by with the guy and the girl just
smiling at each other
The place and the moment was not suitable for conversation
Yet, the girl thought those 4 hours with him was the happiest...
The moment gave her feelings she never had before
Every smile would make her heart beat fast
Every look would make her blush
And every time his hand touches (accidentally or intentionally) hers, she would find breathing a difficult thing to do...
Pictures were taken that night
so many and yet she thinks they are not enough


The minutes felt like hours...she was so excited to see him
She sat in a sofa and then
she saw him walking towards her..suddenly the world stopped
His face lighted up when he saw her.
He sat beside her and
he touched her hair briefly
yet the feeling of his fingers stayed with her
It was early in the morning and he asked her if she had breakfast
A simple question that sounded so sweet it melted her insides
She found herself staring at him longer than before
Memorizing his face..each lines...
She caught him looking at her too...more often than before
and again asked her if the companion is a boyfriend
This time she said "no" just a friend.
He smiled and moved closer to her.

As the girl was about to leave
She gave him something...perhaps something to keep like a remembrance
And while her hand was extended
He reached out and held her hand
The girl was surprised
He held her hand for several seconds...longer than ought to be
She did not look at him
But felt his eyes on her and on her back as she walked away

She did not look back..
But she knew in her heart...that the one.
The one she's been waiting for all her life
Her ideal man
Her dream guy

July nineteen: She passed by his place. It was raining. She saw him sitting by the window. Too shy to say hi she hid behind her umbrella. But she had a glimpse of him looking at where she was...and she had a strong feeling..he saw her.

July twenty four: Something tells her she should go and meet the guy
But she hesitated and told herself...she's not ready.

She wore the best clothes and made herself pretty
She put a lot of effort
and carefully planned the day
only to find out
He's gone
He left last Sunday night
She felt like crying...and running to where he is
The guy left her some words...which might be useful in the future to comfort her...HE REMEMBERS HER and he wished she came to see him before he left.

Tonight, the girl is trying her best not to cry
For she lost the guy of her dreams.
He is too far now to reach

Treasuring the photos and memories
She is wishing to see him again
Only if God will allow

and if they see each other again
then she is destiny
and that her tears...that are about to drop right this minute...are all worth it

Thursday, July 22, 2010


What happened to me?
What is happening to me?
Am I happy? I wish I am. I thought I am.
I am tired, I am scared
and I am dizzy.

I thought I know where my life is going.
I thought I know what I wanted to do.
I thought I am already doing and living my dream...

only to life...where I am not where I want to be.
The person I am not the person I am dreaming to be

all of these happened because I did not follow my heart...I follow somebody's dream, hope and wishes. I listened to their opinions. I let them guide me to the road I am unfamiliar. I did all these to please them. Because I love them. I thought it's alright...I thought I'll be fine. I thought I'll be happy.

I feel so lost

Until I saw the road where I'm supposed to be...where I want to be.

The job I want to do.
The position I want to have
The task I want to finish
The company where I want to give my best...all my best
and the man who I want to call "my boss"

I saw a glimpse of myself...standing on that familiar-friendly road.
The right way to my happiness
the journey of my dream

But then...
It's too late.
It might be too late
Too impossible to go back
to correct the mistakes

For years, I have been asking God for the wrong dream...
Begging him for something my heart won't follow
Crying for something I really don't want

For years, I thought the right thing to do is to do what other people think is right

My birthday is coming
And that's the reason why suddenly I thought of looking where my life has been.

Surely, Lord
this is not where I want to be
Forgive me for praying for something I really do not want to happen.

Please lead me to the right path
Listen to my heart's desire
Help me start again
Make a way for me
Too impossible for my hands to reach
But then nothing's impossible when it comes to you Lord

Because I don't want to grow old with nothing but regrets and sleep in a pillow drenched in tears

I am begging you Lord...listen to my heart and not to my mind this time
My brain may think she's smart and she knows what is right
but only my heart knows who and what can make me happy.

Hear my cries, Lord.
Hear me begging

Lord, hold my hand and light my feet
for I am about to travel a new road

And I promise you
It is you and nothing but you who I will praise FOREVER