My Life My Race

My Life My Race

Monday, December 31, 2007

My "year end" prayer

Dear Lord,

2007 has been a great year for me

You showered me with so many blessings...some of which i thought would be impossible

But you proved to me that with you all things are possible

Trials came my way

But you were there all the time...giving me the strength and comfort that i need

I did things which i thought i could not do on my own

Again...you were there and you gave me the courage to face unfamiliar situations

There was a time when i thought i would give up

But then...you gave me hope

A lot of things happened to me this year...some i could only describe as "miracles"

In a much simpler way....i guess it is best described as "magic"

2007 has been indeed a magical year for me....

All of those cannot be explained in words...

I guess not all things can be expressed in words...not even in actions

To hope...to have faith...to believe...that's what i did..and will still be doing

Lord...THANK YOU SO MUCH for 2007

I will not ask anything for 2008

Because now i learned not to ask...but to be hopeful...

I believe you already know what is best for me... so i will just trust you.

You know that i only have simple dreams...dreams that become great as they come true

In your hands...i am entrusting my 2008 with you...

I love You Jesus!!! I will always do...





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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I'm Happy ^^

I'm happy...

i can't help but smile ^^

it's raining...but i think i'm seeing a rainbow *^^*



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Sunday, December 16, 2007

I'M TIRED!!!

really tired...

I was able to sleep for more than 8 hours

still i feel so weird...i still feel tired

should i take a vacation?

who told me to take 3 jobs and study anyway?

who else...but me?

now who to blame?

no one else but also me...

but at least i got to travel every now and then

yay!!!






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Monday, December 10, 2007

Doubts

So i have work

i have business

i am studying

I lack sleep...achieving things that's supposed to give me a stable life

but what does "stable" really means...and when will I know I'm really on that stage

I am happy with all those that i have achieved already...

But will that provide me happiness for a long time?

I hate being sick...because it gives me time to think about my life

and it's what i don't like...to have fear...to have doubts

now i'm thinking....WHERE WILL I BE? what will happen to me?

am i still on the way up...or am i slowly going down?

Life is supposed to be a surprise

but they say it's already pre-determined

already planned

carefully made for me

So...question now...what will i do?

I'll pray and hope that everything will be alright.

I hope...




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Sunday, December 2, 2007

Enchanted

I just watched "enchanted" by Amy Adams and Patrick Demsey

and now i feel like singing...

not on the street at least (hahaha ^^)

"True love's kiss" hmmm....now that's interesting!

I wonder where my prince comes hiding...^0^



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Thursday, November 29, 2007

If i have a gun

If i have a gun and i am a man,

I will shot Trillanes straight to his head!

How i hate him!!!

Alright...he's brave and smart...SO WHAT!?

he's crazy! He put a nation in a chaotic state

It's supposed to be "one normal" day

But this crazy man turned a normal day into one "hell" day

I was stucked on traffic for 3 hours!

all because of him...

curfew was given

and everything was ruined

The hotel manager should have given him a sleeping pill on his meal or drink

on second thought... a poison would do!

I am busy lady with so many things to do in a day...and comes him

Now just in case i met him in person...i would give nothing but a slap on his face!

TRILLANES...YOU'RE CRAZY!!!

You can never put a President or a nation down...with your personal ambitions and selfish interest.

If you want to help a nation...go start in a small way.

you're smart right? then better use your mind next time before acting on impulse.


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Sunday, November 18, 2007

Why does it have to rain?

I know the earth needs rain...

But sometimes i can't help but hate rain

When there is rain...there is sickness, flood, traffic and worst of all...

all plans have have to be cancelled

now...how can i love rain?

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Monday, November 12, 2007

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday my dear brother and best friend!

It's your 18th birthday...

I wish to see your smile

But you're so far from me

Please be happy

I will see you someday...we're going to meet again and play games just like before

You've grown so fast...

I remember when you're only 10 years old

You were so shy

Then we started to play games

We discovered we like the same things like Pokemon, Spiderman and of course "Captain Planet"

Can you still remember how we met?

I still have the cds you gave me, your card and letters

and of course the cute "elephant with the pink tail" i remember how i used to tease you about

that. They are my treasures

I wonder how you're going to celebrate your birthday

are you smiling right now?

Be happy okay?




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Thursday, November 1, 2007

From the hands of death

I feel so weak and so sad

i never thought that i would lose you so soon

two weeks is too short

If only i could ask for one more week, or just a day

you made me smile

you made my heart glad

I was changed because of you

I did things i never did before. I took care of you...like the way i never imagined i could

I was with you the whole time you're suffering and I suffered too...

If only i could take away your pain

I stayed with you, because somehow i know i would lose you

So painful...

you died in my arms , while you're holding on to me.

I feel so guilty that i couldn't do anything

If only i could snatch you away from the hands of death

I remember telling you to hang on...

as i was about to pull you out of its hands

but death is far stronger than i thought

and life was just like a smoke

Your last breath...broke my heart

I cried so hard... I thought that would wake you up

I could not say goodbye...

Up to the last minute, before the night came, I waited for a miracle

I just could not say goodbye

until now...

it seems crazy

but that's how much i care for you

because you made me happy

in those times that i thought i could not smile again

you stayed with me...when i am about to give up

that's why i know i could never ever say goodbye

It's just too soon!

and i know nobody or nothing can ever replace you in my heart



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Monday, October 29, 2007

Now i leave everything to you

I did, tried and gave my best

I am worrying so much

But now i leave everything in God's hands

I don't have much strength left...

I need Him to make things alright...

like the way it's supposed to be



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Sunday, October 28, 2007

Puppy Poem

You can't buy loyalty, they sayI bought it though, the other day;
You can't buy friendship, tried and true,But just the same, I bought that too.
I made my bid, and on the spot bought love and faith and a whole job lot of happiness,
so all in all The purchase price was pretty small
I bought a single trusting heart,That gave devotion from the start
If you think these things are not for sale,
Buy a brown-eyed puppy with a wagging tail.


Author Unknown
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So this is how it feels

My baby is sick...

I am so worried!!!

I am at his side most of the time...to comfort him and give massage and to feed him (forced) because he doesn't have any appetite

I don't know what to do

now i know how it feels to be like a mother

I am a mom of a 1 month old golden retriever...

I am scared of giving birth

so i choose to adopt a puppy instead

i pray he'll get well soon

I am so scared!


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Monday, October 22, 2007

I'm getting blurred vision about my future

I didn't have a good sleep last night...

I was not exactly sure what has gotten into me

But suddenly i got a severe attack of "fear"

Fear of: "what my future" will be

I told my friend about my fear and she comforted me by telling me that I should not be worried...I have lived my life in a "straight" line...that's how she described it.

It's because never in my life did i rebel against my parents

never did i go home wasted

never did i do something that would put my parents and family name in shame

I have achieved some of my dreams already

I brought honors to my parents

and yes, i guess i do traveled my life's journey in a "straight" line

and i think i never have any intention of going in a wrong direction

so why am i scared?

i don't know....

i want to cry...but i am not exactly sure of the reason why should i have tears in my eyes

isn't my life supposed to be alright?

am i?


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Getting past the wall of death

Between life and death is a "huge wall" (that's the way i see it)

and as i think of death, i often wonder what's beyond that "wall"

I feel like i'm standing in front of it and i can't climb it no matter how hard i try...

beyond that wall is the person who i long to see...again

to see if he' alright

to hug him for one last time

and to say "i'm sorry for not being there"

DEATH - the end of life

is it really the end? or just a continuation?

Will it give happiness or sorrow?

Will it really bring peace?

If only i can have a glimpse

If only there's a window or a small door within that wall

If only i can see it with my own eyes

Beyond that wall is a paradise...that's what they say

If it is indeed a paradise

then i must not be afraid getting past the wall of death...

To my friend...from the other side of this wall...

are you okay?

are you happy?

are you in peace?

do you still hear my voice?

will you be waiting for me?

I know we'll see each other again...someday



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To the father of my prince

To Mr. Ryu Sun-woo

Now you are in heaven...

With our creator, surrounded by millions of Angels

You are in paradise...no more pain or sadness...only happiness

no more darkness

But those who you have left are now sufferring from loneliness and sadness

May you ask an Angel beside you to give comfort and strength to those who you have left behind...especially to Siwon who loved you more than anybody else in this world

Mr. Ryu Sun-woo, thank you so much, for your goodness has been passed to your sons and daughter.

Thank you for raising Siwon to become a fine man with a good heart and unselfish thoughts.

Your final journey has come...now that you're in Heaven... May you served as your children's guide and protector so that they will be able to continue things that you have started...and may they finish their mission in this world with dignity just like you do.

Mr. Ryu Sun-woo...you will always be remembered and will be in the hearts of many.




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Friday, October 19, 2007

Saying goodbye

It is so hard to say goodbye

especially if that means not seeing the person again...forever

when i hear goodbye...it's like seeing the end

but in this life, i am not sure which is harder: saying goodbye or not having the chance to say goodbye at all.









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Sunday, October 14, 2007

Things that we lose have its way of coming back to us again

Well, in my case, it was not a thing...but my poodle dog (aga) who got lost yesterday.

This what happened:

Aga and Cholo my two dogs had their baths early Sunday morning. They love to play in our garage after taking a bath...

Our helper who were looking after them was asked to go somewhere...while aga was left in our garage...playing with my old sandals. Cholo on the other hand was too lazy to play and went back to his bed.

All along we thought Aga was just in the garage. Just when I was about to hopped in my car, our helper told me that Aga was nowhere in sight. Panic rising....all four of us (my mom, dad, me and our helper) searched the whole village for our lost dog. Still...he was not found. We decided to report it in the barangay. According to our neighbor, he saw a car stopped in front of our house. My mom then concluded that perhaps Aga was 'dognapped". As i was about to interrogate our neighbor about "the color of the car, model, plate number- just in case he noticed it", another neighbor approached us and told us that he saw a vendor playing with our dog. Now again, we thought that certain vendor kidnapped my precious Aga. I was too angry because there were rumors circulating in our village that vendors often "dognapped" dogs to "kill and eat" or to sell and earn money from it.

That day, we also had to go somewhere to buy some gifts for my mom and dad's friends. All day, we've been thinking about what happened to Aga. we've been hoping and praying that whoever that vendor is, would not kill Aga.

I felt so sad...I prayed and asked God to help Aga find his way home...i made a promise to God (i told Him that i would give up one of my dreams...just as long as i see Aga again) i made that promise because that's how precious Aga is to me...

while on the way home, my Dad spoke suddenly and told us that he wished to see Aga in front of our gate...waiting for us.

I don't know what happened...perhaps yesterday was again an evidence of how powerful a prayer is. No...Aga was not waiting at our gate...for he's already in his bed...sound asleep. But when he heard our voice...he woke up and rushed into my feet. Oh...i didn't know what to say...my mom won me over by hugging Aga first! my Dad too...which he rarely does (hugging dogs)

our helper told us that he did not stop searching for Aga...the rest of the afternoon he went from house to house and searched for our lost dog....well his hard work rewarded him...he saw Aga in a house 5 streets away from us. A young boy found our dog and brought it home with him. He told our helper that he saw a vendor carrying our dog...he told the vendor that he would like to take care of it...the vendor planned to sell it but he gave it to him for free.

well...now i strongly believe that there are Angels here on earth.

Besides finding Aga...my mom and I did the "craziest" thing ever a person who lose a dog would do. While our Dad was busy talking to his friend at the mall...my mom and I bought 3 new puppies to get rid of our "sad feeling" We bought a pomeranian, golden retriever and labrador puppies. Those babies are really expensive...i spent my "supposed to be christmas budget" for the year. honestly, we're not sure why we did it...but probably because we thought buying 3 new puppies would erase our feeling of loneliness. "we're crazy" i believe.

guess what? we gave each of them Korean names ^^ cute and funny! our helpers couldn't even pronounced their names yet so they just call them 1, 2 and 3 ^^

now Aga and Cholo are both "kuyas" they took turns playing with their new brother and sisters.

All i can say is: " i didn't know that a feeling of sadness, can easily be replaced with "3 happiness only because "i didn't lose my hope"

and yes...again i agree with Luna lovegood "a thing (or those we love) that we lose has its (their) way of coming back to us again.













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Saturday, October 13, 2007

You're my hero!

I definitely admire Manny Pacquiao. I admire his determination and his strength. He fights hard and he fights not just to win but to give pride to our country. How i wish that more Filipinos will be like him.

How many would do their best...who would fight for their country's sake? To bring honor and more importantly...to give our country the grandest respect it deserves.

Whenever I see him fight...i see a hero

Also...i can't help but admire this guy for his strong faith in God.

He's not embarrased to pray inside the ring before and after his fight

I know some people who can't even say a little prayer before eating their meals in a restaurant...that's because they think it's too embarrasing!

Well...for me, praying in front of the crowd...kneeling down...and surrendering his "all" to his creator is my definition of a "true man"

a humble deed which earned him the greatest honor a boxer can ever achieve

Pacquiao...You're my hero!

It's all worth it

After my trip

- i got sick
- my foot got hurt
- not had enough sleep

but It's all worth it

What's more important is : I've been there...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Once in a lifetime...chance

CHANCE

If I’ll have a chance to be with you

I’ll bring you to a place where everything is new

I’ll stop the time and let you be

Whoever you want to be

If I’ll have a chance to be with you

I’ll listen to you eagerly

Talk to me and I’ll hear

All your dreams and your fears

If I’ll have a chance to be with you

I will let you rest for a while

The stars above will make you smile

Count them all and you’ll be fine

If I’ll have a chance to be with you

Let me hold your hand

We can walk in the sand

Trust me, it will be fun

If I’ll have a chance to be with you

I’ll bring you to my world

I’ll share with you my dream

Yes…it is you my prince.


I wrote this poem 8 months ago...and i got several chances already

But i guess, chances are not enough

good things don't last long i guess...time flies when you're having fun as they say

each moment is memorable though...


Appreciation is greater than thank you

Life is indeed a cycle...

whatever happens in the present and will happen in the future has already happened in the past.

I am physically sick right now...my body gave up.

am i happy? definitely I am!

i am tired but i am happy.

shouldn't we all?

well...i guess the reason why i am happy is because somehow what i did for one has been appreciated by many.

appreciation is greater than a mere "thank you"

you can utter a word of thanks without meaning to...

but true appreciation will be more meaningful even without a word of thanks

and knowing that he appreciates...erased all my doubts and tiredness.

I will keep you in my heart....for a long time until i see you again.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

nothing...just a routine

Life is a routine...

i don't know if it's good or bad

but sometimes i wonder...if life is just like a cycle

no end....

Thursday, October 4, 2007

If you hate me

I just don't understand why a certain person who told almost everybody she knew that she hates me kept on:

....visiting my homepage
...checking out my photos
...reading my blogs


and

...imitating my hobbies and interests (which before she have said that she don't have any interest in all those that i'm doing)
...asking people for my whereabouts
...copying the style of my homepage background
...visiting my favorite sites


I just have one advice to that person: If you hate me, then just leave me alone. Go on with your life...get busy by doing things that you "really" like than trying your best to imitate and wish for the life that you can't have. I don't want to sound so bad...but it's really annoying and very irritating. I don't want to have "2 shadows"...because i know that the other shadow...is not mine.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Race of My Life

*I made this poem for Ryu Siwon.


In my white and orange suit
Is a man ready to race
In this crazy road of life
That I am bound to face

Where to go, Where to start
Is this the sound of my heart?
Take it slow or make it fast
I am in the curse of my past

I’m driving in this long winding road
Where will it take me? Where will I be?
This is my life, This is my race
These are the things that I have to face

Be strong, Be fast
All mistakes are in the past
All eyes are on the road
This is my story left untold

I will not give up, I will not give in
This is the race I have to win
This is the journey I have to face
This is the life I have to make

Eyes on the road, hands on the wheel
Victory is mine, this is how I feel
I will take this car in the finish line
I will win every race in this life of mine

Falling in Love with Ryu Siwon

Falling in Love with Ryu Siwon
(a birthday tribute to Ryu Siwon)

Why do you love Ryu Siwon? This is the question often asked to me by other people and I believe this same question has been asked to other fans (like me) as well.
I, as his fan, thought at first that “admiring” Ryu Siwon is just a phase that I have to go through as a young adult. Young girls often admire handsome actors and develop a feeling of “infatuation” or “crush”. Such feelings do fade in time. I came to know him in “Beautiful days and Wedding”. I have admired him as an actor since then. If I would be asked who is my crush, I would definitely tell its Ryu Siwon. But as days, months and years passed, I realized that my admiration for Siwon is not just an ordinary phase that I would outgrow sooner or later. Instead, the feeling of “infatuation” has been replaced with love.
For those people who know me such as my friends, if I tell them that I love Ryu Siwon, they might get a wrong idea. Nope, I am not romantically in love with Siwon and I am not a “stalker” either ^^ Love in itself is not limited to “romance”. Love is a strong and beautiful feeling that a person feel towards another whom he/she would care for a very long time…and might even last forever. Love is greater than admiration for it not only accepts the “good”, but the bad and the person’s weaknesses as well. For those who are not his fan, others might think that “loving a celebrity” is such a crazy thing to do. But I guess, that’s the point of being “in love”. Love, makes people go crazy. More likely, people who are in love tend to act like kids. They enjoy their life…they laugh and cry and they do not withhold whatever feelings they have. They don’t care what other people say…they are kids! I guess, it’s the same for people who are in love. Being in love brings out the “child” in us.
So, to answer the question “why do I love Ryu Siwon?” here are some of the logical explanations I can give you…
I don’t want to be a hypocrite but the first reason I could give you is “simply because he’s handsome.” Siwon is blessed with good physical features. I just love his eyes and his smile. Everytime I see Siwon looking so sad….i want to tell him to “please smile”…because he doesn’t know how many women are falling in love with his smile and how many days would be brightened by just seeing his warm smile ….including mine. He looked good whether you’re at his left or right side. Probably, it’s his confidence that makes him look good all the time. Also, there are others who lose their spark as they grow old. But Siwon…as he grows old and become more mature…he shines even more. I must say that he is aging handsomely.
I know only basic Korean and Japanese words, but I appreciate his songs. I have fallen in love with almost all of Ryu Siwon’s songs. It uplifts my mood whenever I feel sad, it gives me hope whenever I feel down, it comforts me and it makes me feel good inside. This only proves that “language difference” does not stop “music” from healing one’s soul. Ryu Siwon sings with all his heart and that makes his songs truly special.
Fantasy and reality has a distance far longer than a person can imagine. But Ryu Siwon bridges the gap between the two. Dramas sometimes take people in a different world. There are people who fall in love with Siwon because they saw him in a drama and they like the character that he portrayed. But Ryu Siwon’s good personality does not end in a drama. Ryu Siwon is who I call “Prince Charming of the modern times” Just like in a fairy tale…Princesses waits for their Prince Charming to save them from distress. Siwon, just like a true Prince with a good heart, saves a lot of people from their life’s problems or distress. There are fans that have sad stories and have suffered from depression but Siwon was able to make them smile and move on with their lives. Siwon might not know it but through his songs and dramas, he was able to help many. Again…I am one of them…and his songs made me move on and go on with life. Also, despite having a busy schedule, Siwon was able to help disadvantaged people. That’s truly admirable. There are some who are too busy to notice that there are people around them who need help. More often than not…”a busy schedule” a “work” or “a selfish thought” blinds people from seeing others who needs help, love and care. I believe that those people who Siwon had helped see him now as a “Prince Charming” who they have waited to come to save them. May Siwon served as an inspiration to all of us.
Speaking of having a “busy schedule”, I love Siwon because he is very responsible and he works hard. Well…who would not fall in love with a “hardworking man”? He’s an achiever. He doesn’t stop but instead he achieves more. I believe he does that not just for himself but for his fans as well. Because of that…he deserves to have our support.
I love Siwon also because of his humility. Those fans who have seen and talked to him in person already would agree to me that Siwon is a very humble person.
I also appreciate Siwon’s honesty. He opens up his thoughts about his life to his fans through his mini homepage and he speaks his mind freely (which I think should be respected all the time) He opens up his world to his fans and we get to see what’s it like to be in his world. It is also where I get to know him more. I love him because he’s “real” he shortens the distance between an ordinary girl (in my case) and a celebrity”.
“He’s not perfect!” That’s what another person told me. And I agree with her…Siwon is not perfect and that makes me fall in love with him even more! He smokes more than a pack of cigarettes, he gets disappointed in his races, he feels sad, he sometimes feel lonely and I think just like an ordinary person he also have flaws and difficulties in life. Perfection is good...an ideal. But…for me it is also a part of “fantasy” when all of us are living in “reality”. I love Siwon for who he was, is and will be in the future. For me…love grows and love stays.

Oh his birthday, I have few wishes for him: a strong body and mind, safety, true happiness and most of all…love.”

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIWON!!!