My Life My Race

My Life My Race

Wednesday, July 8, 2020


I used to hate rainy days
I hate it when rain drops on my head
And my feet get wet as I walk on damp roads.
But now the sound of rain comforts me
I now prefer the cold damp weather
Over this hot and humid summer

I used to hate waking up early in the morning
But now I enjoy getting up just minutes after sunrise
I think it’s the best time of the day
When everything is quiet except for this tiny bird
that often visits my window
Yes I think I enjoy my time when I am alone
Not that I hate company…
I just enjoy quiet mornings more often now than before

I used not to like hot coffee or even warm.
I live in a tropical country so I prefer to drink something cold
But now, a cup or two or maybe even three of hot coffee completes my day
I like how it warms my hand whenever I am holding a cup
And I like how a warm cup comforts me when I am feeling down
You say coffee is not healthy. You say caffeine is bad
But if it can make me smile... I wouldn't mind.

I used not to like the color red.
I used to say it is my least desired color
But these past few years, as I look at my travel photos
I came to realize I have been wearing plenty of red attires
So better not say no to a color
until you have tried it on and looked at yourself in the mirror

I used not to like snails. Oh how I hate seeing them in our garden
Then one day, my big dog spotted a very small snail
Just as he was about to crash it with his big paws
I grabbed the snail with my bare hands
I didn’t think twice. In fact, I didn’t think at all.
I just know I have to save that tiny snail
And now that snail is bigger than my hand
Safe and having the best life in a corner I made for him
Or her?

I used to hate it whenever you cross my mind
I used to stop myself from worrying about you
Because you forgot me for a long time
And it breaks my heart
But now I smile when I think about you
I laugh at our memories when we were young
I know i will always care about you
You are my friend after all
I might not agree with you sometimes
I might not like the way you live now
I might not readily accept the new you
But it is still you.
We might forget to keep in touch again
We might be too far away from each other
But this one I am sure... when you need me
I will come and help you
And fight anyone who will go against you

photo credit to the owner of this photo

I guess it's true
The more you hate...the more you love

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Thank you 2017

2017 was a difficult year
But it was not harsh
It was challenging
But not bad
I was exhausted
But not restless
It was stressful
But I survived

I met danger few times
But I managed to escape
When a dreadful thing came
And I lost someone very dear
I did not cry. I remained calm.
It was very painful. But I found comfort.

Just when I thought nothing good was happening...
Amazing and wonderful surprises came.
They were beyond my imagination.
I’ve been to places I only see in dreams
I’ve seen things that are out of ordinary

Those things are as bright and colorful as a rainbow
But I only smiled because I saw my special one
He made everything beautiful and magical
I know I don’t deserve these or maybe I do
But it is true...Dreams do come true
Good things always happen when I least expect it

When I was about to give up
Help came at my side.
And when I think about it
I was never alone
I was never lonely
I was never lost
I always find my way

So 2017, thank you for making me braver
I am stronger now than before
You left me very exhausted
I almost couldn’t stand up
Yet I survived with a grateful heart

Saturday, January 6, 2018

Because they are not mine

2017 left a week ago.
It came too fast
And left too soon
I had a hard time catching up with him.
But I did my best. I gave my best.
I dont have any regrets
But it left me exhausted.

It was a very challenging year for me.
It was difficult. A little harsh.
It pushed me to try harder
To protect what I have and those who I love
To get what I want, I worked harder
I planned better
I loved deeply
I cared a lot
I stayed while others walked away
And when things failed, I did not give up.
When people told me it’s impossible and there’s no hope...i still tried.

Until...I had no strength left
I found myself on the floor
Weak and exhausted.
Most of my plans did not work
My efforts were useless
My best was not enough
I tried but i failed.
God’s plan prevailed.

No matter how much I love
How much I care
All I have are not mine
God owns everything and everyone
From now on I need to constantly remind myself that He is generous enough to lend me things and people I need in my life.
I love them too much, I always forget I don’t own them.
So when God takes them back one by one, I feel betrayed.

Painful...but what can I do?
I only borrowed my life too.
And though I try so hard, I have no control of what’s going to happen.
I can only hope and pray
For God to allow me to be with them longer.

From now on, I will cherish each day I’m with them.
I will appreciate and love them more.
Am I giving up my dreams? Maybe for now.
I am too tired to plan again.
It will be up to God anyway. He always win.
My efforts are nothing.

I don’t know what 2018 has for me.
Am I hopeless? No I am not.
I am wishing for something good.
But God's plans are greater than mine.
2017 almost took my life away.
But I wasn't ready then to let go.
If God will ask me now if i’m ready to go?
Yes, I am ready.
I already gave my best in everything.
I have nothing left.
Only patience to wait...

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

10 years ago

10 years ago I made a wish
I sat on my bed and prayed
I asked God an impossible thing
To meet you...someday
And that someday arrived in a few days
I did not wait too long
God must be beside me when I made that wish.

Maybe I did something good
Maybe God is pleased
Maybe God wanted me to be happy
Maybe He wanted to show me what He can do
Whatever His reason...meeting you was and is the happiest moment of my life

10 years ago I loved you
Today...I still do
And I thank God that though not often...
I can see you every now and then

10 years from now
Only God knows what will happen
Maybe we will be together
Or far from each other
Maybe you will forget me
Or will still remember me

10 years from now
Maybe God has already answered my wish today
To hold your stay beside you
And be with you everyday

Happy 10 years!

Saturday, December 31, 2016

I love you 2016!

Though you made me cry a hundred times when you came
You made me smile a lot
You made me laugh hard
I played, I jumped, I ran as fast as I could
I sang my favorite songs
I danced like crazy
I left my work undone for the person I love
Yup this year...I stopped and smelled the roses and it felt good!

Though I got a handful of heartaches and failed many times
You sent me surprises
Gifts beyond my imagination

I cried a lot this year...
But my heart is glad
I will miss you 2016

When you came, they say you'll be bad to me
I say you weren't really bad
You are my good but tough friend
You want me to stay strong
To be different yet kind

Thanks for all the hope and love you left in my heart.

I will always remember you
Please tell 2017 to be extremely good to me too.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016


I haven't moved on and forgotten the tragic death of my beloved "Aga"
when another precious one left me to join Aga in Heaven last December 19, 2016.

Her name is "Joy"

Joy came to our family 9 years ago.
She was a cute, very fat, "huggable" and playful puppy.
She would run all over the house.
She would knock down anything that's in front of her.
She would jump excitedly at the sight of her meal.
She was always hungry.

She was a big puppy.
A big, fat ball of fur
She's always full of energy.
Her friends couldn't keep up with her when she's running.
She's always in a good mood so i named her "Joy"

She's a smart dog.
One time I placed my palm in front of her and she placed her paw on top of my palm.
Then i realized she's learning how to give me a "handshake"
She did that to my mom as well until it became a routine.
It became her way of greeting us everyday.

She was a survivor.
My two other puppies died from parvo virus but she survived.
She would drink all her medicines.
She would eat no matter how weak she felt.
She's a good patient her doctor said.
She couldn't get up but she would still give me handshakes every morning.
She never gave up.

I cared for her a lot.
I was very protective of her.
I almost lost her I said.
I didn't want her to get sick again
I provided everything she would need
Including her own nanny.
Yes...she had a nanny.
A bad one. I failed at judging her personality.
While I was at work, the nanny would hurt her.
Because of that Joy became sad.
So sad she became a ferocious dog.
She would bite anyone who would try to come near her.
She wouldn't let anyone touch her....
Everyone including my other dogs were scared of her
She wouldn't trust anyone...except me.
She remained sweet and loyal to me.
In her eyes, I am her mommy.
She would always listen to me.

But then, I needed to leave her for a while.
I had to go someplace.
My mama and papa were both scared of her.
I talked to Joy and told her to be nice to my mama.
Because mama would be the one to take care of her.
I know she's a good dog.
So I wasn't surprised when my mama told me Joy became sweet to her.
Every morning and night, it was my mama who would take her for a walk
It became their routine even after my trip.
My mama would often buy her treats and she loved that.

Joy wasn't close to any of my other dogs
except to Aga (my poodle) and Winter (my shihtzu) who are now both in Heaven.
She loved my cats too.
I am guessing she wanted to be a "mama" already.
She wanted to have her own puppies.

9 years flew so fast.
I didn't notice the time was running out.
I was shocked when I woke up one morning and Joy was already gone.
Her eyes are closed
She was not moving
Her heart stopped beating.
I couldn't help but cry.
I asked God why.
She was not sick.
She was okay.
My mama said it's her time to go.
Her purpose was done.

I wasn't able to say good bye.
But I am sure she heard me say "i love you" before she closed her eyes to sleep
Dogs can't talk.
But I know she loved me.

Good bye my Joy
I love you very much
Thank you for your love and loyalty
Thank you for being good to me
I will see you in Heaven

Monday, December 26, 2016

Christmas is Your day

Dear Jesus,

How are you today?
It's your birthday!
I hope your day will be filled with praises and thanksgiving.

Jesus, you have been so good to me this year.
You gave me things I only wished but never asked...
You made things happen for me
You answered my prayers
Gave me my requests
Surprised me with beautiful moments

All those things I thought could not happen just happened.
Nothing is impossible with you by my side
My friend witnessed that moment when you surprised me...
You sent your gift just when I was about to give up.
She couldn't explain how did it happen. She said "it must be God"
Truly it's You!
Because You didn't want me to go home sad.
You didn't want me to give up.
No not yet.

I am nothing but a weak human
But you moved mountains for me.
I asked you "what did i do to deserve your kindness"
How can you love someone like me?
I can never understand your patience and overflowing mercy for me

This year, different troubles were thrown at me
Trials greeted me at the door of every opportunity
Yet, you made me strong
Stronger than i was before
You never left my side
You hold my hand every time I feel too weak to stand
Jesus, I am never alone

Though, another precious one left me this year
And I have been betrayed again and again
You are there to comfort me
You are there to give me new hope

Now that it's your birthday...
What can I give you?
What can I offer you?
I am not good in keeping promises
But this one I will not break
That You will always be my God
I will not...never will...
Bow down to other gods

Wherever I go
Whatever I achieve
I will not forget you
May I do something good
And make you smile everyday

Happy Birthday Jesus!